weaponized incompetence

Language: en

Meaning: ; (idiomatic)The act or process ofperformingbadlyso as to avoid futureassignmentsof a similar kind, whetherconsciously(as amanipulativetactic) orsubconsciously(as a psychologicalshortcoming).[21st c.]Hypernym:incompetence2018May 8,Steve Almond, “Save Me From This Domestic Drudgery! The Sweet Spot column”, inNew York Times‎[1]:Trace that logic out a bit, and you arrive at a kind ofweaponized incompetence: Your husband isn’t good at certain tasks, so he shouldn’t have to do them. No. He should learn how to do them. Negligence as a domestic partner is unacceptable. Your exhaustion and unhappiness alone should be enough to motivate him. Why isn’t it? Is your husband O.K. with you feeling run-down and exploited? Is he O.K. with you thinking of him as a child, rather than a grown man? I’m posing these questions because it’s clear from your letter than you’ve asked your husband for more help repeatedly. The time has come for a reckoning in which you renegotiate the terms of your marriage. I’d strongly recommend that you seek the help of a counselor, who can make sure you’re both saying everything you need to say — and listening to each other.2023March 8, Jamie Murray, “Weaponized incompetenceis deeper than a TikTok trend”, inMichigan Daily‎[2]:Acknowledgment of this mindset existed long before any TikTok trend. A Wall Street Journal article dating back to 2007 coined the term “strategic incompetence,” describing it as an “art” and “skill” that can be used in the office for tasks that someone doesn’t want to do. The article suggests that this behavior is ingrained in us at birth. As children, we pretend not to know how to do chores when our parents ask us; as adults, we continue this behavior. Even though the article, in comparison to TikTok, takes a more positive view ofweaponized incompetence, the fundamental premise remains.Weaponized incompetencecould be considered a universal experience. Plenty of us have experienced the shortfalls of other people’s incompetence. Exhibit A: The sighs and groans that fill a room when a professor brings up a group project. The sadly all-too-common situation is where one group member falls short, and the other members have to work harder to complete the project, only for all the members to receive the same grade.2023March 16,Nicole Chung, “My Adult Son Has Mastered the Art of Weaponized Incompetence. How do we get him to do … anything? Dear Care and Feeding column”, inSlate‎[3]:My adult (21 and 23) stepsons are in many ways very similar (funny, thoughtful, helpful, etc.). For nearly their entire lives, though, most of the influential adults around them have practically fallen over themselves to make things “easy” for 23, doing everything in their power to ensure that he is not stressed or inconvenienced in any way. He is smart enough to have realized this along the way and has developed a habit of either dragging his feet until someone makes a decision for him or simply deciding that it is someone else’s job to “remind him” (e.g., do you want to join us on vacation or not? did you finish that paperwork for open enrollment at work so that you can continue to have health insurance?).[…]Conversely, and probably as a result of the behaviors he has observed, 21 just gets things done and takes care of his own business. 23 has mastered the art ofweaponized incompetence, while 21 would rather chew off his own hand than ask for help.2023September 18, Mark Travers, “2 Ways ‘Weaponized Incompetence’ Might Be Hurting Your Relationship”, inForbes‎[4]:Weaponized incompetence, also known as strategic incompetence, refers to the deliberate feigning of incompetence to avoid certain tasks or responsibilities. This strategy is sometimes used by men in relationships to avoid certain chores, housework or parenting tasks. By continually pretending to be incompetent, they strategically push their partner to stop delegating tasks to them, thus leaving the task up to their partner, creating a disproportionate division of domestic labor. Many people suffering through this ordeal come to therapy feeling like the division of housework or chores between them and their partner isn’t equal. They may say things like: “I want to ask my partner for more help around the house, but I always end up having to explain how to do it or just doing it myself.”2025March 24, Sofia Lodato, quoting Olivia Verhulst, “Have You Given Up Trying? This Is Why, According to a Therapist”, inOprah Daily‎[5]:Have you ever tried fixing a bad situation—fighting to revive a stale marriage or escape a toxic job—only to hit roadblocks at every turn? Eventually, you become numb to the situation and simply give up. This is learned helplessness: internalizing that you don’t have control in difficult scenarios.[…]Not to be confused withweaponized incompetence(when someone uses their supposed lack of skill or understanding to duck out of their responsibilities), learned helplessness is more about quitting when times get tough because your brain is conditioned to think there’s no other way out.[…]But just as this is a learned behavior, you can also “unlearn” a feeling of helplessness.[…]Because just as you can condition yourself to feel helpless, you can train yourself to feel optimistic, too.

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